It is said that each of us incarnates into this life with a set of pre-determined Soul contracts. The notion maintains that each of these contracts materializes in divine timing and shows up as predestined people, events, relationships and circumstances specifically to provide us the opportunity to move closer to the full expression of Soul in this Earthly existence. I can wholeheartedly attest to this spiritual concept and I unequivocally subscribe to it because it has been my lived experience.
For me, these contractual challenges proved to be radically catalytic and in hindsight, pretty much served as an esoteric baseball bat whacking me around and telling me in no uncertain terms to “wake up Margot …this is not where you should be!”. They presented in quick-fire succession over a relatively compressed timeframe of just six years, triggering extensive re-structuring within every aspect of the person that I used to be – every element of the psycho-spiritual self – and culminated in the collapse of my old Third Dimensional life with all its distorted priorities, illusion, veils of deception, clutter of unconscious habits and worship of the material. When I say collapse I really mean that the stuff I had once prioritized no longer had any importance or relevance in my day-to-day life and the tiny nuggets of joy I was adept at finding, say in my working day and which would sustain me through that day had become patently inadequate. The false congruence and flimsy conditions I had unconsciously put in place that enabled me to continue in a job and a life that was now no longer appropriate swiftly disintegrated. No longer could I tolerate a workplace, or any environment for that matter, that had been pervaded by fear-based manipulation, power-plays, self-interest and drama. I found it distasteful and distressing having to be, and interact within, these dense energies of the old 3D paradigm. I craved a working life and interactions that were based in integrity and openness and gentleness and decency, and so when the opportunity came to take Voluntary Redundancy I leapt and I never looked back. The collapse of that old life also enabled me to escape the toxic and limiting projections by other people including those within my own family. Finally I was free.
So, what were those tests? For me, those slated challenges played out in relationship breakdowns, losses and betrayal. There it is. Betrayal. Awful word. You know, I actually feel uncomfortable using that word today because it is so heavily-loaded with dense emotion, trauma energy and judgment. In truth, I have moved so far forward from all of that experience that it is impossible for me today to access the vastness and the intensity of the emotion I experienced at the time. I am simply unable to get anywhere near the ballpark in terms of that old drama and what it felt like back then. Instead, these days I tend to inhabit a relatively neutral, heart-centered, peaceful space and that has become my default setting but it took considerable, cathartic work on myself to get there. That is not to say that challenges don`t arise, just that the emotion nowadays is no longer formidable and wrecking, just diminished and distant and contained. This will sound platitudinous but the predominant feeling for me nowadays is one of deep joy and gratitude. I feel blessed to have experienced those trials because they gave me so much and I`m pleased because – and as some past-life work revealed – there was substantial, heavy karma hanging around those old relationships that needed resolving and clearing, certainly on my side of the ledger anyway. I needed to learn not to trust quite so readily and I needed to learn how to hold loving boundaries.
What I do still hold from that dark night of the Soul is one persistent and clear memory : I remember having the palpable feeling that the Universe had me in her palm – that I was cupped and cradled and supported – and I remember this feeling permeating my whole Being. Before the darkness I had never felt that. It was both revelatory and supremely comforting because it reassured me there was a Higher intelligence at play in all this and that I would just need to be patient. I realised later this beautiful feeling had been engendered by the energy of the crystals that I had begun working and meditating with. Thankfully what I did innately hold was the courage to Love and to keep Loving. Love was what got me out of bed in the morning ; Love was what kept me going.
The re-structuring – some may call it purification – of the person I used to be constituted a process of Soul retrieval that was both all-encompassing and profound, and was facilitated through extensive Spiritual Healing. At the time I didn`t hesitate or question the need to be undertaking a Healing journey. I trusted and had faith that this path was absolutely right and what I needed to be doing ; I held the certainty that the manifestations of old and repeating Timelines needed to be dropped once and for all.
This process of enquiry and examination of self shone a light into the recesses of my subconscious and what I discovered was huge. The person that was me had a fair chunk missing and this was due to a centuries-old twinning with my mother – we had been twin sisters in a very distant past-life. Essentially I didn`t know how to be myself and the manifestations of this were plain to see : the disease to please, feeling the need to climb above the judgment of other women, the inability to withstand criticism and feeling savagely wounded by even the gentlest evaluation, feelings of inadequacy and on it went. Sure, I had a coveted, well-paid job but there was a great deal about the person I used to be that did not sit comfortably. And it made sense that I was attracting men who were themselves intrinsically un-whole because on some subconscious level they recognized their own incompleteness in me. It was all becoming clear.
A word about past-life work here : it really is not about who you were and what you did in those past-lives. What is important are the revelations and the insights gleaned from peeping through that window ; it is the illumination leading to perceptual acuity that is the true Healing gift of this work. I was like : “oh wow, that makes perfect sense now” after each of these past-life sessions. They were like pieces of the jigsaw puzzle and I was hearing each one click firmly into its place. The past-life work explained many of my character traits, choices and experiences in this incarnation because our Chakras are continuously referencing and directing subconscious information we carry forward from previous incarnations ; our lived experience in this incarnation is contextual to all that came before it. Accessing past-lives was truly invaluable because it shifted my perception enormously but most significantly it ushered in forgiveness and compassion for those who did the wounding because finally I understood their choices. Once again, I was free.
These tests and the ensuing journey of awakening brought me home in every sense of the word. This evolution of consciousness delivered me into a nourishing, self-sustaining, creative and deeply connected state of Being, and one that is aligned to my Truth and to my Highest path in this Earthly existence. Absolutely nothing is random. A little digging can uncover a whole lot.
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